i dont know what to do with myself.
i know that im called to lead worship.
but oru is to much for me right now.
im too busy.
i have no time for myself.
i am starting to forget who i am.
i cant handle life.
victory pisses me off so much.
the teachers are crap.
i have learned nothing at that school.
i have peace at oru. i like being somewhere where no one knows who i am.
the teachers are nice.
but victory.. the money has gone to crap at that place.
they are wrong on how they teach everything. they all think god is only judging. they forget what god really is.. and that is love.
nothing they say makes sense. only tell us what is wrong and what god says we cant do. but its not that we cant. its just that we shouldnt. if we mess up, god isnt gonna write that down in some little journal. thats why he sent is most favorable person to die and to take all of our sins. FOREVER.
i cant stand being in a place anymore where there is nothing that shows gods love.
i know god loves me so much.. and his grace is the only thing that will get me through life. but i am growing so much bitterness towards victory. and its sad. i dont want to be a bitter person. but i kinda am right now.
when will christians focus on the most important thing about god. and stop focusing on the thing that gets people down and in a slump. christians are horrible people. ahhhh.. sorry im so bitter. i try to love everyone. i do.. but i dont. idk what is wrong with me..
i just wanna go cry and be with god. man.. i feel selfish.
i love god cause he loved me first.
thank you god.
i feel like i cant talk to anyone. ANYONE. no one. just god. he is the only one that understands. and doesnt judge and critique.
this life is so weird. like just stop and think about it..
why are we here.. i dont understand. i hate trying to put logic behind everything. but i dont want to live a fantasy. i believe and trust completely that god sent jesus to save the world.. but why did god make us. like.. he is god. he didnt have to send jesus.. he didnt have to help us. why am i so fascinated by human behavior. life is so repetitive. people all do the same stuff and say the same stuff.. why cant we all just be unique. some of us go to school.. then get jobs.. do activities.. go to some kinda church.. worship at least a god or materialistic crap. play a sport.. play an instrument.. go to college.. get a job that we normally hate.. go into debt. get married.. have kids.. and come out either hating life or loving it. but either way its the same kinda life..
i just wanna know why.. its like something has programmed us into living this way.. are we being controlled? i cant believe an evolution.. thinking we are all here because of some big bang.. that is so stupid to me. that a star exploded.. or something to that concept.. that made an earth.. and a cell grew into life? what?
where did that star come from?
people are scared of facing the truth. but.. its weird thinking about god. why are humans so dumb.. we cant even fathom. why do we have time.. why do we die..
i wish none of this was real. like.. it was just nothing? idk.. but nothing is always something. we die.. and live in either heaven or hell. forever.. forever becomes long at the end.. god has been here forever? ahhhh! its just so crazzzzzy. i am christian.. i live in a christian home..
i guess if my parents were muslim i would be muslim also. but im not saying im christian just because of my parents.. i dont have to be. i believe in it completely..
but what if i was raised differently? if i was raised to be muslim or budhist? would i believe completly in that.. or have questions???
im starting to give myself a headache..
please comment on your thoughts and what you think.
A-dios.
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