my fear is crippiling.

why do i find it so hard to be with people.
maybe i judge even when i think im not.
i wish there was someone out there completely real. which there is, somewhere.
i can hang out with my friends, there good people, but i feel like God is angry at me for being there with them. i don't wanna call my friends hypocrites, but are they? why do i feel like i am?
why is SIN so freaking gay, i fall and fall. i know i'm sinning! but i just sin. when God is telling me to stop. Why would a person sin, when they know there in the wrong and God is telling them to STOP. seriously, what is wrong with me. i just wish i could live on a prairie, or a mountain. just me and GOD. no people at all. or i could 24/7 be in worship! life would be great for me. but life is'nt at all that easy, that would be more like heaven. if you notice in the bible when people would pray, they would go up to a mountain, and pray for hours and hours. but God doesn't want me to be praying for hours and hours, alone, with no one to talk to but him. we have to journey to the sea.
This is what i love:


'' You've been too long upon this mountain, it's time you journey to the sea.
Sometimes you trust in your false comfort, its easier then trusting me.''

''Some men only believe in what their eyes can see
Some men only believe in what their minds conceive''
 -Jason Upton.

i think God would be alright with me hanging out with the people(my friends) in the wrong, but only if i was a witness. But i don't know if i am. so maybe ill just try not to be with them as much.
my blog bounces around but that is just me. never can stay on one subject.
i just want Gods presence to shine through me.
For some stupid reason, i feel like when i mess up, Gods calling leaves my life and goes on to someone else. that is my biggest fear. Thank God for Grace.