my fear is crippiling.

why do i find it so hard to be with people.
maybe i judge even when i think im not.
i wish there was someone out there completely real. which there is, somewhere.
i can hang out with my friends, there good people, but i feel like God is angry at me for being there with them. i don't wanna call my friends hypocrites, but are they? why do i feel like i am?
why is SIN so freaking gay, i fall and fall. i know i'm sinning! but i just sin. when God is telling me to stop. Why would a person sin, when they know there in the wrong and God is telling them to STOP. seriously, what is wrong with me. i just wish i could live on a prairie, or a mountain. just me and GOD. no people at all. or i could 24/7 be in worship! life would be great for me. but life is'nt at all that easy, that would be more like heaven. if you notice in the bible when people would pray, they would go up to a mountain, and pray for hours and hours. but God doesn't want me to be praying for hours and hours, alone, with no one to talk to but him. we have to journey to the sea.
This is what i love:


'' You've been too long upon this mountain, it's time you journey to the sea.
Sometimes you trust in your false comfort, its easier then trusting me.''

''Some men only believe in what their eyes can see
Some men only believe in what their minds conceive''
 -Jason Upton.

i think God would be alright with me hanging out with the people(my friends) in the wrong, but only if i was a witness. But i don't know if i am. so maybe ill just try not to be with them as much.
my blog bounces around but that is just me. never can stay on one subject.
i just want Gods presence to shine through me.
For some stupid reason, i feel like when i mess up, Gods calling leaves my life and goes on to someone else. that is my biggest fear. Thank God for Grace.

were comfortable killers.

Putrid words from sharpened tongues
Are spewing them from our mouths
Without a translation
We're just making sounds

The pride of a lion is your disguise
But the fear of a coward's in your eyes

You're chasing the rapture
Praying for a
Perfect disaster
To save us from ourselves

We need more then miracles
We need to answer
For the blood on our hands now
And save us from ourselves

Out sight and out of mind
Make everything alright
So let the sky and sea collide
Just not in our lifetime

The end is running late tonight

The kingdom comes crashing down into ashes
Careful what you're asking for

We're comfortable killers

silhouette of life

Forced myself to sleep last night
Woke up to all white
Saw all the tears and cries
Screamed out with no reply
Nirvana dreams were never right
When crossing to the other side
It's too late to take this back
This accidental exit

Now what's in store for a
Soul with premature
Wings that will never soar
For what they're made for

Why we wingless angels fall
We'll die if our wings don't grow at all

Why we wingless angels fall
We'll die if our wings don't grow at all

Life is always strange
Signs lie wondering
Mental sodomy
This can't be happening

stop planting the seed

how come i am judged when i judge.
maybe cause its not your job.
but sometimes i think it is.
if you had a twig in your eye and told someone with a tree in their eye that they need help i think it would be alright.
but if i had a tree in my eye and told someone with a tree in their eye that they need help then i think i would be wrong.
 did that even make sense.
not really.
well good try anyways.

im gonna start bloggin. hope no one minds.